How many of you have had this exact conversation standing in The Yankee Candle Store: "Smell this,"......"Mmmm, what is it?" "Cotton Linen scent." I'm sure by now you've heard our very own lovely Nina, commenting on how "Hot Pink is the new black," well, in aromatherapy, "Cotton Linen is the new Vanilla". Yes, you heard it hear in "The Rant". But you knew this, Secret Contributor. Our society today is ga ga over "NEW FRESH SCENTS." Remember when Vanilla-roma was SO in? That was before Cinnamon Spice but after Lavender. Are you keeping up? Gone are the days of "PowderFresh" scent. Oh no, my friends, we're not talking about JUST your bathroom anymore. Forget about your car. We've gone from a single room, to the entire house, the clothes, cleaning products, the perfume and yes, still...the car. We're a sniff-happy society. I opened my cleaning cabinet today for the Windex, and I noticed it was "Potpourri" scented. Didn't really phase me. I was on a pre-period energy-cleaning-burst, and loaded the dishwasher, adding some "Orange" scented dish detergent. I cleaned the bathroom shower tiles with soap scum remover that had the power of "Lemon" in it. I washed my hands with "Coconut Lime Verbena" hand soap, and did a load of laundry with "After The Rain" scented laundry detergent, topped off with a "Clean Breeze" fabric softener. During the Virgo-impacted-pre-period-energy-burst, I got out the vacuum, and sprinkled some "Country Apple" carpet freshener on the rugs, and vacuumed. When my stoner-roommate came home, she promptly lit a Mysteriosia incense stick, as I sprayed Citrus scented Febreze on the comforter in my room. When I was finished, I took a shower with "Ginger and Jasmine Infused" body wash, and conditioned my hair with sun-kissed raspberry something or other. I got out of the shower, dried off, sprayed on some kind of sporty "clean scented" body spray, sprinkled on a little Fresh Scented Powder and brushed my teeth with a new cinnamon flavored toothpaste. I put on my clothes, that faintly had the lingering "Clean Breeze" smell coming from them, got in my car, which was reeking of "Ocean Breeze" (which is different from After the Rain, Clean Breeze, Summer Wind, Babbling Brook, Mountain Fresh and Midnight Sky) , as I started the car and headed off to Publix, I realized that I had a steamin', mind blowing-major headache. Gee, wonder why? I thought back to the days when my Dad was alive, driving me to the mall, circa 1982, in his Dad-mobile-of-a-Thunderbird, with ONE, single, lone swinging Pine Tree hanging from the radio knob that didn't even smell anymore. Our house smelled like spaghetti sauce and old cigarettes. There was no reigning scent. I try and imagine what my Dad would think of the new Scent Stories-Shania Twain-CD-scent player. I tend to think he'd say what I was thinking when I saw it: "What if she don't smell as hot as she looks?" Ha ha. Cough, cough. Come on. Do we NEED to associate the smell of vanilla with the song "Always and Forever"? Is this the first step towards Smell-o-Vision? This new invention makes Scratch & Sniff seem a bit antiquated, doesn't it? People, people, if we added up what we spend at Bath & Body Works, and the Yankee Candle Store, we could afford that vacation we only dream about. Next time the cashier hands you the receipt from the grocery store, add up what you spend on Glade plug ins, battery op scented fans, candles, sprays or scented dash board clips-and times that by 12 months. Similair to the reaction Carrie Bradshaw had on "Sex And The City" when she realized she spent 40 thousand dollars on shoes. Now, have your partner hold the garbage can for you, while you puke into that "Lemon scented" bagged lined trash can.

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